i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want to make out with him forever
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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