Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize