This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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