dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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