Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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