I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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