if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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