I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize