eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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