mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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