i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
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It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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