a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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