If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well you can't waste a boner
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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