my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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