and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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