I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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