I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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