did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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