Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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