The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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