Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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