Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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