Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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