hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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