i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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