This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize