We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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