That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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