how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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