dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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