i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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