just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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