its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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