If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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