he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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