so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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