I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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