he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize