Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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