You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I want a musical about memes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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