I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Who died my cat blue again?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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