This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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