So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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