and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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