I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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