I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize