i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize