Where did you get a picture of my penis
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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