Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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