Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
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I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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